Scratch a kinky person and you’ll probably find an alien cock fantasy lurking in there somewhere. Unless that’s just me? No, it’s not just me. I’m hardly the only person to have seen a grainy VHS bootleg of Urotsukidoji: Legend of the Overfiend during my sexually-impressionable youth.
Moreover, once your kink-brain has fully absorbed the fantasy-fuel magic of unstoppable tentacle dicks, it swiftly becomes impossible to look at any physically-imposing sci-fi alien without wondering “How’s he/she/it hanging? What’s it got in the crotch? What can they do with that swinging ovipositor?”
Fortunately for all of us, we live in a world of rules. If Rule 34 assures us that there is porn of a thing, then Rule 34(b) must certainly be “if there is porn of it, there’s also a sex toy of it.” And that’s where Alien Dildo comes crashing through the wall like the Kool-Aid man. You want it large, knobbly, ridged, and a color that only a bug-eyed monster’s horny mom could love? They gotchu, man, they gotchu:
What’s kinky about all of this? Well, duh…
But if you must insist on unpacking, it all boils down to consent. Except perhaps in certain soft-and-cuddly BDSM scifi romances peddled in the darker corners of the internet ebook stores, aliens are notoriously bad at consent. From the first cold metallic anal probing with no lube by horny Greys to the last cute little human pet being sold in the slave auctions of Rigel 11, an alien dicking usually comes with a healthy side salad of “this alien not only didn’t ask, zhe didn’t even acknowledge us as the type of critter one ought to ask before slipping us a big dose of their slippery proboscis.” It’s at once the ultimate objectification and the safest possible (because aliens don’t exist!) non-consent fantasy.
Another hotness factor in the endless galaxy of “dicked by aliens” fantasies is that, you know, those horny fuckers didn’t evolve to fuck humans. Driving their turgid alien dicks into warm Earthling holes is literally the universal signifier for “Those dudes are some seriously oversexed perverts!” When you play that game of exploratory xenobiology, you lose the assurance that Tab A will actually fit into Slot B. I mean, you can try, but will it fit?
Sometimes the physical scale just isn’t compatible. Remember Jabba and Leia? It was never clear quite what a Hutt could do with a human slavegirl. But in other cases, the alien dick may not fit, but that doesn’t mean that the leashed human girl-pet purchased on Rigel 11 can’t be forced to pleasure that fat hog anyway:
Image credits, top to bottom: Snake-headed tentacle dicks artwork is by Meguro Fukuzo. The alien butt-sexing art is by Aka6. The alien cock so large, our girl needs a henchwoman just to try and help her handle it? That’s by MBK155. And the literal bug-eyed-monster with the sticky schlong that’s never going to fit inside his leashed pet human is by Ecoas.
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