Remittance Girl On Dominance

Remittance Girl has posted what strikes me as an extremely nuanced and sensitive essay about dominance. I’m quoting a couple of her most self-contained observations, but for full effect you need to read the whole thing:

There are a considerable number of men who purport to be dominants but are just incredibly immature and so insecure about their sexual skills as a lover, they figure the way to circumvent having to prove themselves is by completely ignoring their partner’s experience, and hiding the tactic under the guise of being in charge. Being a dominant doesn’t relieve you of the responsibility of caring whether a partner gets off. In fact, he or she takes on the entire responsibility of the when, the where, the how and how often.

And also:

For me, dominance is almost exclusively about intelligence and the appetite for power, not sex. Of course, for me, it’s essentially sexual, and I don’t get off on D/s with no sexual aspect. But it is a ‘will to power’ and not a ‘will to fuck’. Being uber-horny doesn’t make you uber-dominant. In fact, quite the reverse. So much so that, if I perceive a man to be too much at the mercy of his sexual appetite, he’s just handed me the reins of power, whether he knows it or not. He’s a ‘bottom’ the minute he’ll compromise to get off.

Chewy, tasty, worth your time.

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