Consent Culture And Rescripting Sex

Holly at The Pervocracy has been talking about consent quite a bit, in an interesting pair of recent posts:

Consent Culture
Rescripting Sex

Now, I don’t quite agree with her that everything needs to be quite so explicitly negotiated as she seems to think — there is a role for nonverbal communication between intimate monkeys in my view. But I don’t disagree for a moment with her suggestion that we’d all be better off if we shifted more of our defaults in the direction she advocates. It doesn’t have to be a boner-killer, because you don’t have to do it like this:

Hypothetical Script: Robot Lawyers Consenting To One (1) Act Of Intercourse

Active partner and receptive partner are alone together. They’re chatting, drinking, or watching a movie. Active partner detects (or wishful-thinks) the whiff of romance/lust in the air. A breaks into the conversation and asks R, “may I kiss you?” If she says yes, they kiss, although he is careful not to place his hands anywhere not specifically pre-approved. A breaks off the kiss, ceases all physical contact, stares politely into the middle distance, and asks R, “may I touch your left breast? may I touch your right breast also?” If she says yes, he touches her breasts. After some silent, tentative, arms-length touching he breaks off again and composes himself before asking, “would you like to have sex?” If R responds positively, he clarifies: “with me?”

Her bad example there is a dead-on lampoon of arguments people have been making against explicit consent ever since feminists started suggesting that more of it would be nice. If you read her post, she’s got better scripts to offer, along with suggestions for coming up with your own. Especially relevant to this audience, I’d argue, because the kinkier you like your sex, the more likely it is that tuning up your sexual negotiation skills will get you laid the way you want.

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