How To Find A Dom
SapioSlut recently reposted from FetLife a lengthy essay by “TheSensualDom2008”:
For New(ish) Girls: A Guide to Finding that First Dom
Written in the voice of a dominant man, it contains much advice that looks useful to me; especially in the warnings about what to avoid, the red flags thrown up by poseurs and wannabes, and the basic internet dating safety tips.
That said, I had to repeatedly restrain my own outbursts of laughter when reading the sections describing how “a dominant guy” is likely to feel and to behave. I kept hearing the imagined voice of Tarl Cabot describing the virtues of a warrior. It’s not that the traits and behaviors identified aren’t common among many dominant men, and it’s not that many of these traits and behaviors aren’t sexy to submissive women. Both of these things may be true. But the overall picture painted is an unrealistic fantasy, I’d say. For a self-described dom to describe dominant men in such glowing colors? That strikes me as a spectacular display of (real or imagined, we’ll never know) peacock feathers.
Submissive girls, may you be so lucky as to find such a dominant man!
Elsewhere on Bondage Blog:
Hey Rope_Guy! Thank you for spreading this essay further. The reason we posted it was because it does give some good guidlines for a newbie subby person to work from.
As with anything we read on the internet it needs to be read with a common sense filter and applied judiciously to one’s own circumstances. As I said in my own comment on it I got lucky but I made my luck by applying particular standards around integrity – it was one thing I understood even if I didn’t have such a reference guide.
While the standard is high, I wouldn’t suggest that one doesn’t dom until one has ‘ticked off’ all of them. My interpretation is that the list was compiled as things to look for, not prerequisites or absolutes. I think the chief concern is to ensure that people exploring new aspects to their sexuality have experiences that help them to blossom, whatever their role.
Wouldn’t it be interesting to see an essay for new(ish) doms, and what to look for in a sub?