Monsters And Prey Who Understand “No”

Good old Alebeard, the cruel creative genius behind Pain Toy, has a far darker perspective on BDSM than I do. He plays harder and his fantasies are darker and he has a lot more courage than I do when it comes to talking about the uncomfortable edges of the scene. Sometimes when I read the riffs on his blog, I’m thinking “Dude, go whip somebody and mellow out, you’re gonna scare the horses!” But, nonetheless, he often has insights I value, like this one:

We often find BDSM filled with protocols and rules, with little badges and foolish leather hats. What often gets lost however is that raw and powerful urge that brought us here to begin with.

It is less to me about balance than awareness, less about moderation than determination. We choose to explore dark places and in doing so we do not seek the light, we do not seek completion or honor, romance nor some higher path, we seek pain-filled filthy degrading terrifying fun for its own sake.

We far too often cloak this in romance and artistry for me.

We are monsters and prey who understand no.

I don’t think my urges are so dark and powerful as his, but like him, I can sometimes grow weary of the protocols and funny hats. Yet do I understand that for some people, these are the safety lines, the hard hats, the protective gear that helps ensure nobody forgets to understand “No.” And I’m a big fan of people enjoying kink at whatever level works for them, whether it’s party play so stylized you could be forgiven for confusing it with English country dancing, or dark screaming basement whip-extravaganzas of welts and tears and snot.

I’m not gonna back down from the joy I take in BDSM romance, though.

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One comment on “Monsters And Prey Who Understand “No””:

nilla commented on December 7th, 2011 at 12:31 pm:

the think i like most about BDSM is that it exists in many layers and levels…and we’re not made to feel stupid or clumsy as we learn to navigate our own dark hallways towards whatever it is that turns us on.

And that most are not judgemental about each others roles is, for me, the defining greatness of this lifestyle.

i have my kink…you have yours…and its all good…bad…good


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