“Submissive” Is Always Personal And Contextual

In this a really good emotionally raw post from Silverdreams at Naked Confusion, she describes the unpleasantness of an encounter with an idiot who made that far-too-common error of conflating “submissive to someone” with “submissive to everyone”.

As near as I can tell, this error has to do with some sort of bogus internal classification scheme that presumes dominance and submission are innate characteristics, rather than what they actually are: relationship modes we choose and apply in vary specific contexts with very specific people.

Unfortunately idiots who make this classic mistake can ruin a good picnic, especially when they also suffer from a lack of respect for physical boundaries that verges on the criminal. At this particular picnic, after Our Narrator got told she didn’t “look like a submissive”, she was talking it over with friends:

I asked the question that was foremost in my mind (and not without some great deal of irony)

“Exactly WHAT is a submissive supposed to look and act like?”

We chewed over this for a while, other people got into the conversation, and then, because the question itself was so silly, we starting making up all sorts of shit. Submissives should always wear corsets, even in the middle of summer at a vanilla party; with high heels. Submissives should always wear dresses with no underwear; Submissives should kneel all the time, even when we’re in the park, pinecones and rocks; and dozens more stupid ideas of what a “twue submissive” looks and acts like, when I mentioned that I knew the definitive answer:

Submissives should always wear pony tails because it makes a great handle for pulling.

What I didn’t know when I said that, was that the aforementioned clueless female “dom” was standing behind me and had heard my words.

That’s when she pulled my pony tail.

After which, as you might imagine, the shit got real.

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