BDSM While Black
“When you want to be into BDSM but it’s too soon because you’re black” is an interesting and thoughtful article from the perspective of a kinky young black woman who is exploring the boundary between kinky sex (which works for her) and race play (which emphatically does not). I would never have imagined that the ghost of Harriet Tubman could be such a sexual problem, but it makes perfect sense the way she explains it:
“Your safe word is eggplant,” he told me, pulling my hair as he kissed me. “Say ‘eggplant’ if anything gives you too much pain.” It was clear it was about to go down, full-on 50 Shades of Grey style, minus all the money, so it was more like 50 Shades of Broke but hey, I’ll take it!
He was incredibly communicative, consistently checking in about consent. “This guy’s read a book or three!” I thought, high-fiving myself in my head. I was writing my triumphant journal entry as it happened. I pictured Kim Cattrall’s nodding smile of approval: “You’re the new Samantha Jones now, Luna,” she proclaimed.
Then, everything came to a screeching halt with one simple phrase:
“Call me master.”
Eggplant. That hurt. Immediately, all I could think about was my ancestors rolling over in their graves, breaking out like zombies in the Michael Jackson Thriller video. All my worst fears had come alive. I thought of Harriet Tubman admonishing me: “19 times! 19 times I came back, to save our people from slavery. All for you to be here willy-nilly, calling some white dude ‘master’?”
Life tip: No dick is so good that it’s worth being haunted by Harriet Tubman.
Ted was very receptive to my objections and apologized for his major blindspot. The history of slavery was something he was not reminded of every day so he was able to separate “master” in the context of BDSM play, whereas I… was not. I had failed again, even with a seemingly perfect partner.
Never ever thought about it in that context. White privilege just slapped me upside the head. I always feel that little thrill to call Himself as my Master. We are both white. Thanks for the thoughtful posting.
Nilla
Nilla, that’s pretty much where I’m coming from as well. I couldn’t have done this bondage blog all these years without being aware on an intellectual level of how many BDSM tropes have roots or at least resonances in the history of chattel slavery, but what it might feel like to navigate that symbolic minefield as a kinky American black person was (and remains, despite this helpful article) quite beyond my powers of imagination and empathy.
Bingo. I am also a black young lady and I can understand completely everything she is saying. Master/Mistress can hold you back sexually because you have to account for the mental, emotional, metaphysical/spiritual aspects of that weighing in on you. At least for black folks anyway.
When I have a partner from any race, I make it known Master does not pass these lip unless I am comfortable and safe to go that far with you and 10 times out of 10 you have to be a long term partner of mine. That’s not to say any interracial couple should NOT explore this because as a black woman yes I do know and understand and FEEL the implications from all around me it wrongs red alert what’s wrong with you etc, but that’s just because of the ugly history that my people had to endure.
I love bondage hands down. So if it is something you like, curious about and etc. do baby steps when you want to explore this. If you are confident and happy and ok with that mentally and can deal with the word Master verbally saying it, emotionally and spiritually feeling and you are ok more power to you.
[…] article by Feminista Jones goes nicely with the BDSM While Black piece from last month by a young black woman who likes kinky sex but was squicked by race play and master/slave stuff. FJ […]