Suggestions For Dominants
I found a lot of value in Mollena’s Seven (Random) Suggestions for Dominant Types, but I didn’t find the suggestions at all random; they all boil down to people skills. Mollena is careful to avoid pointing these tips at any particular sex or gender, but I don’t mind saying that many of the interpersonal rough spots these suggestions will help avoid are common in the social lives of (it seems to me) male dominants of limited experience, particularly the more nerdy ones with a rigid-ish rules-based worldview about how kink ought to work. (Thankfully most of these guys do learn, over time, that people are in fact squishy and complicated and need routine petting for proper function.)
Here’s part of one of her suggestions:
Acknowledge your submissive’s service to you.
[B]eing seen by the people we serve is a precious emotional jewel that we hold close to our hearts and that feeds and sustains us as we grow in service. For me? Hearing “good girl” is its own unique reward. It is so very, very important for me to hear positive reinforcement while I am in service. Plus, frankly, it makes me wibbly in my nibblybits. And believe you me, when my nibblybits are wibbly, I am putty in your hands.
If correcting missteps is the only time you give us feedback? You’re setting the stage to place the people in service to you in a particularly vulnerable position. Rather than coming from a place of self-assurance and positivity, it can generate an atmosphere of mistrust and fear.
Elsewhere on Bondage Blog:
[…] have a file of good links ready to share, although new doms may find something of worth at this post and the various links in it and below […]