I got this via email, and it has that well-photocopied feel of something that’s been
floating around forever. But it was new to me, and made me chuckle:
How to Punish Your Submissive
First step: Catch her.
Second step: Hold on to her.
Third step: While holding on to her,try to get to your cuffs/ rope/whatever you can get your hands on.
Fourth step: Carry her to the bed/cross/whatever’s handy.
Fifth step: Stop and try to catch your breath. (while still trying to hold on to her)
Sixth step: Catch her again.
Seventh step: Threaten her with bodily harm if she don’t stand still.
Eighth step: Catch her again.
Ninth step: threaten to gag her if she don’t stop laughing.
Tenth step: Drag her back to the bed/cross/whatever is handy.
Eleventh step: Secure her wiggling body.
Twelfth step: Take a nap.
Thirteenth step: Choose your paddle/crop/flogger/what ever is handy.
Fourteenth step: Wake her up.
Fifteenth step: Gag her to stop the giggling.
Sixteenth step: Repeatedly smack her ass till she quits shaking with laughter.
Seventeenth step: Continue spanking till she starts to moan.
Eighteenth step: Give up. No matter what you do you know she’s enjoying the hell out of it.
Somebody should tell this guy the two simple words that always make my girlfriend stop giggling: “alligator clips”.